Growing Old Gracefully - Hair Drama

After telling my family and friends for years that I would decide to grow old gracefully and eschewing the usual rituals and procedures common for women approaching middle-age (I’m 44), I’ve decided to cave in. I’m not ready to go under the knife, thankfully, genetics has been kind to me in that area so far, but I thought I’d be noble and let my hair gray naturally…hah! I knew there was going to be a problem when I was asked by the clerk at the grocery store if I wanted the senior citizens discount and then the bagger asked my seven year old daughter if her granny wanted paper or plastic. Not good. I took the discount (I know, shame on me!) and gave the bagger a look that would turn Medusa to stone, kicking my daughter in the shin and giving her the "mama stink-eye look", so she wouldn't respond and volunteer my bio next.

You’ve probably seen some of the proud countenances of women with a glorious head of hair with tasteful streaks of gray artfully placed in their tresses and I always thought that’s how I would go, classic, majestic, regal, and even patrician. I always envisioned myself at this age as resembling such women when I was younger. Ahh, the naiveté of youth at play once again, even at my age, it still rears its ugly head from time to time, altering my reality. But this is my hair! My crown of glory! The march of time is picking up the pace and it’s time for preemptive measures!

I then embarked on a quest for a hair coloring that made the search for the Holy Grail seem like an extended road trip. My previous attempts at coloring my hair made my hair look like one of my girls’ old Barbie dolls at the bottom of the toy box and the consistency of Easter grass. The second time, my hair came out in patches, I looked like a dog with a bad case of mange, people were stopping me to ask how long had I been sick and was it terminal? To a novice, the selection of products is mind-boggling! Permanent, semi-permanent, rinses, highlight kits, rows and rows of instant youth in a box, promising to have my hair which at present looks as if I’d walked through a wall of flour, to their former auburn glory.

I’ve always been a low-maintenance kind of gal, to my husband’s relief, although I do try to keep myself up. Never been one for all the potions, lotions and elixirs that are marketed towards women of a certain age, but I find myself being pressured to give in to the advertising and just enhance nature a little bit. It made me wonder about the enormous pressure we place on women, starting from adolescence in our society to be glamorous and beautiful instead of just simply to be. Even Dove™, whom I applaud for their pro-age campaign, still drive home the subliminal message that you can look great as you get older, but you’re gonna need a little help…from them. They had to reconsider their television advertising of their new line of products designed towards older women because of public complaints that they didn’t want to see tastefully naked models of women who looked more like you and me plastered on their television. It would ruin their digestion; spoil Christmas or something of that sort. They much rather see Victoria’s Secret models, who probably haven’t eaten solids since 1999, prance across their screen when their wives, girlfriends, significant others haven’t seen a size 1 since they were 10. I can see why young girls are starving themselves to death, electing to have cosmetic surgery at younger and younger ages, sometimes while still in puberty, all to meet the expectations of an ever demanding call to meet society’s interpretation of what beauty is.

Love who you are, love who you ain’t, but love yourself just the way you are. I may still dye my hair, though; I’m still entitled to a little vanity at this point in my life, aren’t I?

Just Wait Until You're 40...

How many times did I wince every time my mother uttered that phrase, her eyes misting over with that Zen-like calm and Mona Lisa smile while I stared at her incredulously and contemplating finding a nursing home for her? “You just wait, the 40’s are the best years of your life!”, that’s what she would always tell me. How annoyed I would get looking at her face, just radiant with bliss as I complained about the state of my life in my 20’s and 30’s, the constant drama that’s affectionately referred to as marriage, trying to find balance between work and home, raising kids and the usual stresses that affects us thoroughly modern women. She would listen, smile, give the appropriate responses, but my lack of life experience combined with the naiveté and innocence of youth made me mistake my mother’s beaming countenance for what it really was…spiritual nirvana manifested. At the time, I thought she was in the beginning stages of dementia and secretly planned a family meeting to have her committed. What on Earth did she mean and what planet was she transmitting from?

After being in my 40’s for a couple of years now, four to be exact, I can finally say, “Mommie, I understand.” Momentous words for a child to utter to a parent, I might add, it validates the ancient prophecy passed down from women that guarantees that you will eventually hear from that hard-headed, obstinate child (if you have more than one, chances are you’ve got at least one), that you were right. Some of us are fortunate enough to hear those words in our lifetime, but whether amongst the living or gone ahead to another astral plane, you’ll hear it sooner or later, guaranteed.

So now, I “get” it and for those who haven’t reached it, let me explain it to you. My grandmother used to tell me, “Chile, you make all your mistakes in your 20’s, spend your 30’s cleaning up the mess you made in your 20’s and by the time you reach your 40’s, you just don’t give a damn.” She was absolutely right! Although I got out of the gate fairly early, I followed the timeline just as she said. I made a whole lot of bad choices in my late teens-early 20’s, bad marriage, trying to find Mr. Right or at the least, Mr. Right Now, spent my 30’s working on raising a family, working and strengthening my marriage and when I did hit 40, I woke up hearing those prophetic words in my head, but nothing had changed. Once again, they lied, I thought, but I’d say within the past two years or more, my happy place showed up and I think I’ll stay here for a minute! It may not happen for you on your 40th birthday, but there’s a time when all the trials and tribulations of your life and this world, finally makes sense. A strange calm comes over you and your outlook on what’s really important in the grand scheme of things gets amazing clarity and calmness. You learn how to see where you fit in the grand plan, and after you’ve gotten a couple of decades of living under your belt, you finally get to see the point and learn to embrace it, instead of fighting it.

Life is truly a great thing, folks, it’s the people that complicate it and make it the mess it can be at times. For the young reading this, take heart, things may seem insurmountable and you may question the whys and how’s of the world, but keep the faith, you’ll get it soon enough, just live everyday so that you can go to bed with at peace with yourself and your life and it will come for you as well. Take the time before you get upset about something, see if it’s really worth it, stop repeating mistakes and expecting a different result, per Einstein, that’s insanity. Find your inner voice and be true to it and if you can’t see or hear it right now, then just wait until you hit your 40’s!